Feelings

I know that we, or I, haven't written much on here about our feelings in relation to this process. I guess I kind of thought we should keep this more about "business." I don't know for sure how Carin is feeling these days, but I can guess that it isn't too far off from what I'm feeling. So tonight I'm going to break my "all business" non-rule and spill the beans about how I am feeling.

Mostly, I'm feeling fragile. In 2007 when we did this, we laid so much on the line and got stomped on in the end. We felt great about what we were doing and the process and all of that. But when the governor didn't sign it and didn't sign it and didn't sign it, I pretty much guessed that he was not going to sign it. I hoped he would just let it pocket veto (or expire). Instead he outright vetoed it and that hurt. It hurt a lot.

So here we are again. Seemingly on the edge of this cliff. Just about to dive off into heavy political soup. It is complicated by changed relationships between politicians, new faces in some roles, and familiar but unwanted faces in some roles. I am anxious about the process. I still feel like a complete novice when it comes to how the whole thing works. I am nervous about speaking. I've never been good at speaking to any audience much less on this topic. I always seem to be the one who cries. Carin holds it together so well; I cry. I guess that is why we make such a good team. I am scared that we will fail again. This one task that has been given us so that we may honor our children.

I am also feeling vulnerable. This is a topic that is, obviously, near and dear to my broken soul. It does not get more personal for me. And here I am, again, holding my heart, my soul, and my child out before me asking for their approval. Asking for his approval. The governor. My heart still bears his shoe print from the first time around. Here I am, again, hoping more than anything that I don't get squashed in the name of politics.

Unfortunately, I don't know of another way to do this. I don't know how to make them all understand and fix the problem than to show them in graphic detail what it means to lose a child.

Here is my story. Here is my son. Here is my heart and my soul. Here is my indescribable pain. Please. Please make it right. Please.

Don't break my heart again. Please.

House Bill 196

It is official! We have a number, HB 196, for the bill. It is titled "Registration of Fetal Deaths." Here is the bill's web address:

http://nmlegis.gov/Sessions/09%20Regular/bills/house/HB0196.pdf

There is a status page that will tell you where the bill is going, what actions have been taken, and if there have been any amendments made to it. Here is the bill's status page:

http://nmlegis.gov/lcs/_session.aspx?chamber=H&legtype=B&legno=%20196&year=09

So, everyone ready? Start calling/faxing your Representatives and Senators. Ask them to support HB 196. Here is the web address to help you find your legislators:

http://nmlegis.gov/lcs/legislatorsearch.aspx

If you are interested in attending committee meetings, you will need to check the Agendas and Calendars page. However, keep in mind that some committee schedules and agendas are published too close to the actual meeting time and are not actually posted online. They do their best, but it just isn't always possible. If something is on short notice, I will do my best to post it here. Here is the web address for the Agendas and Calendars page:

http://nmlegis.gov/lcs/agecalendars.aspx

We are super excited to get started, but of course we are still pretty much waiting. The Regular Session opened on Tuesday, Jan. 20, but the actual committees have not even started getting to work yet. Most of their meetings have been "organizational" or "orientation." At this point, Carin and I will be contacting various committee members in both the House and the Senate to solicit their support and, hopefully, air out any concerns or questions they may have.

Please let us know if you have questions, comments or concerns. If I've left anything out, please let me know.

Ready . . . Set . . . Wait

We now have version 4 of the bill in our possession, and, as far as we can tell, it is complete. Now we are just waiting for it to be pre-filed. Pre-filing closes on Friday. I will post the bill number as soon as we actually know what it is.

A couple of things:

We are hoping to get Rep. Mimi Stewart to agree to co-sponsor the bill. She still needs to look over the final draft before making that decision. We hope to have an answer to this issue next week. We are looking for a woman who is a democrat to co-sponsor so that we can make this a non-partisan (or at least bi-partisan) bill.

We had a meeting today with Jane Wishner of the Southwest Women's Law Center and Martha Edmonds of Planned Parenthood. They have both agreed to a neutral stance on the bill in its current form. Neutral is good. Support is something we would not expect; opposition is bad. Obviously, these are not the only women's rights groups in the state, but they are the ones we have been in contact with. We hope their opinion will carry over to the other groups. "If they don't object, I guess we have no objection either" kind of thing.

And most imporantly, the 2009 Regular Session opens Tuesday, Jan. 20. If you do not already know who your representative and senator are, please go to the New Mexico Legislature site (nmlegis.gov) and find out that information. We are hoping to have oodles of people calling, faxing, emailing their legislators during the session to support this bill. If you are reading this and live in NM, get your dialing fingers ready.

If you are interested in coming to any committee meetings, keep checking back here and the NM Legislature site to see where the bill is in the process and where it is headed next. I will do my best to get meeting information out so that others might join us in the process. We would absolutely love to have some supporters with us this year! Please join us if you can.

Please remember, the legislative session is crazy. Some committees don't publish their schedules or agendas until the very last minute (like the actual day of the meeting--within hours of the actual meeting). If our bill appears at the bottom of the agenda, be prepared for the fact that it may not actually get heard that day, but be pushed to the next meeting. Then again, it might get heard that day! Some topics run long, others run short. If you are interested in attending committee meetings, please email me now so we can arrange for a more direct form of contact. halo.golden@gmail.com

Thanks for all of your support. Here we go!